The two blogs I looked at were Dee Swartz and Arrack Benson's. I sent my paper to my dad and it helped a lot! Having another set of eyes look at my writing allowed me to see things from a different standpoint. First, he helped me organize it better. I had some very interesting points, however, they were all scrambled around which made the essay difficult to read. I also had a lot of poor and elementary sounding sentences, which I hadn't noticed before. He also made sure every one of my paragraphs was following the PIE format, I realized that I was confusing my explanation with the purpose in many cases. I plan on going to think tank as well to get more insight!
Here is the link to my essay!
I really love that you use a personal example for your intro! You use a ton of examples to support your body paragraphs, but when directly quoting the videos, I think you need to include the time on the commercial in parentheses to properly cite it.
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