Friday in class, we printed out our rough draft of
our QRG. Then, we exchanged papers and read each others and peer reviewed them.
We focused on sentence structure, the thesis of the paper, and if the writer
provided strong examples to back up their argument. This exorcise was extremely
helpful and showed me things I needed to fix in my paper and new ideas to try.
First, I recognized that I needed to change my
thesis statement. Although the original statement held the ideas I was trying
to prove, it was extremely confusing and didn't make much sense. In order to
revise it, I shortened it while rewriting it completely. This allowed me to
have a fresh start and different ideas. I also tried to keep it somewhat broad
rather than extremely in depth. My new thesis statement is much stronger and it
gets straight to the point, explaining exactly what I am arguing.
Second, those who revised my essay helped point out
that I needed more subheadings. I only had two originally in my first draft. I
wrote my QRG as if it was a long essay rather than splitting it up into
subheadings. It is important that I made this correction because if people want
to find information fast about my topic, it would be rather difficult to do
with a large essay. Therefore, I split my paragraphs up and added more
subheadings.
Third, when my peers were done correcting my paper,
I noticed many "E's" written on the sides and under quotes. This is
because of the PIEIE process. By writing an "E", my peers were
telling me that I was using strong evidence to support my argument. These
markings also allowed me to breath and showed me that I was actually doing
something correctly. Furthermore, we will begin to make much more drastic
changes in class which will overall help my paper abundantly.
New Thesis: Violent video games can have a negative
effect on gamers however research shows that they can have a positive effect as
well.
I commented on Katie Lista's and Michael Gee's blog explaining what I
thought their thesis' would be.
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